We have a second kidney bean!!

Yay! Yipeeee! Whoopeeee! :)

We got an unexpected scan result for Ms P through on Thursday afternoon. This showed that our gorgeous little 'P bean' is doing very well, BPM has gone up from 9 days previously from 123, to 162,  and all measurements are fine at 14mm (7 weeks 6 days) so only 2 days behind.

We are two very happy people - and obviously as usual - crazy with worry also.

Roll on the second trimester soon please. Me no -likely the first trimester any more....

We have a kidney bean!

So the good news is we definitely have at least one beautiful, kidney bean sized embryo which looks and sounds healthy, heart beating strong with Ms R.

We are super-dooper happy! Yipee!

On other good news,  Ms P is doing better again, having lots of lovely vitamin and hormonal supplements and resting up in hospital. We shall have another scan result from her next Wednesday 4th July.

Thank-you for all of your posts yesterday, it helps so much to know you're all out there, understanding the complex emotions involved, so 'normalising' it all a little for us all. I would go insane with stress if it wasn't for you lot!

The Cycle of Fear in the roller coaster of International Surrogacy

So the cycle of fear commences in full swing today when I realise how utterly petrified I am about tomorrow's scan results. SM 1 is being scanned tomorrow, and she has no bleeding, unlike our SM 2 who has had bleeding as you know for 2 weeks now... Why then am I so incredibly nervous?


I expected that for a couple of days each week before a scan result, I would be nervous but I tried to ignore the build up of tension inside me this past weekend going for the philosophy of  'a watched kettle never boils'...But then...today the tension and worry hit ....

I feel like I'm living with a split personality/lifestyle/set of priorities. At work, only one colleague and my boss know of our personal situation. Each day I pretend I am concerned by the events that occur at work, I pretend I'm this relaxed happy-go-lucky, about-to-get-married, 27 year old who's got everything to be happy about. 


But then I'm a different person at home. At home, I'm sometimes anxious and worried, I'm often anything but relaxed and biggest difference, at home ...I'm going to become a MOTHER in 7 months (touch wood!)


Some days the conflict between the two identities is just too much to handle....

On the other hand, staff at SCI are being as usual, simply amazing and they are now updating me every day as to the status of SM 2 with details of her bleed, which has reduced right down to spotting!!!!! 

Perhaps some fireworks in our Capital are in order????

What does 'better' mean?

So after I got over my initial panic, and then got over the Dr Google 'research' phase....I then moved onto the semi-productive stage and actually asked SCi Staff how the bleed was being classified and what likelihood they thought there was of miscarriage.

This is the bulk of our response...

"We would like to inform you that your surrogate is doing better than before.  Sometime it ( bleed ) happens at this stage. 

But just to avoid any risk, she is still under our observation.

As per your query asked in below mail we would like to inform you that this are of bleeding identified is being recognized as a subchorionic bleed. 

Please note that she is under our best care & our medical staff take prompt action.

As per our discussion with the obstetrician, we have to wait & see how she is progressing. "

So now I find myself wondering... 

What does "better" mean? Less bleeding? Less pain (I didn't know she was ever in any pain)? Is anything better or is this just reassurance?

What does 'observation' mean?

What drugs/medication/treatment is she receiving (if any)?

The cultural and medical differences become apparent at times like this, as well as how little control we have over this pregnancy :(

I trust the staff there entirely, but this situation is frustrating regardless.

I don't know whether to bother them again with my further,incessant, unnecessary and outright 'picky' questions.

My final question - Why can't I have been blessed with the virtue of patience?

Dr Google and I have some issues sometimes.....

Before today I didn't even know what subchorionic bleed was....

So... I am worried, very worried. I have in fact, exhausted myself with worry :(

Our surrogate started bleeding last tuesday (5W6D) and an emergency scan was done which found 110HB, normal embryo/yolk sac etc and a CRL which measured upto GA 6W0D and there was no bleeding from near the sac. 

She was put on bedrest for the week, and then today she had another scan as she was still bleeding and they found that there was a 23mm x 15mm area of bleed,(a Subchorionic bleed) adjacent to the sac. They also found the CRL measured up to GA 6W5D (2days under), 123 HB, which is great and near spot on, but the Subchorionic haemorrhage is larger than the sac, which Dr Evil Google says is bad news.... nasty doctor google.

So they have no admitted her to hospital to avoid any risk.

I am worried but at the same time they are taking every precaution because it is a surrogacy and it is SCI and they are wonderful.

Have you got any kind reassurance? 

 :-[ SR x

Doctor...we have a heartbeat.....no wait...we have two!

So good news first, we have Two Beautiful Heartbeats, plus two healthy looking, correctly sized/aged embryos plus two sensationally gorgeous yolk sacs, each in their very own uterus (lucky little beans) Hopefully they're nestling in for the next 7 1/2 month stay at "Hotel warm and snug" 

The heart rates are 110 BPM and 142 BPM. 

I am obviously worrying (there's a suprise) that the 142 BPM is too high but my googling with Dr Evil Google hasn't as yet brought up any cause for concern. All reassurance still welcome...

Now for the other worrying part, we received one set of results unexpectedly early, as we were expecting them both today. But late last night on receiving the email titled 'Urgent Scan-USG Report' I FREAKED OUT. Ms P had started bleeding and so had an emergency scan. They found everything to be normal during the scan and found a glorious little heartbeat! But now she's been put on bedrest....I freak again! I think it's precautionary and I'm trying to remind myself of the HUGE number of women on my fertility forum who described bleeding at this point and still went onto have successful births...

So...off we go to start another two week wait *GULP* until we hit 8 weeks! I was advised by my boss today (who is amazing) to get ready for the roller-coaster twists and turns, ups and downs, and remember that one day we'll be off the roller-coaster.....I never did like theme parks that much...

Waiting is already torture

So I have been trying my hardest to stay busy, keep distracted. I have also tried helping other people from my fertility forum with all of their research and concerns on the different routes they are taking....but today....I started panicking about the next scan - which is on wednesday. I guess two days before hand is about standard right?! Especially in my early 'novice-at-waiting-for-scans-through-surrogacy-days'...

I just am so worried that something is going to go awfully wrong and it's all going to be over before it's really begun....

We were both ecstatic that we only had two gestational sacs and it was an extra thrill that they were two singleton pregnancies, as it's exactly what we wanted. But now I'm worrying that we could lose them both in the first trimester and be back to square one and super heart-broken? :(

Oh I need to try and calm down, I know you've all been there or are about to go there so I thought this the best place to have a panic!

On other news....we are getting married in August! I finally sent out the hand-made invitations today to all ends of the Earth (my partner's family live in countries in Africa, Asia and Europe). I have also finally got round to booking my wedding dress fitting and I am starting to get super excited/nervous/worried/amazed by the prospect of marrying my lovely man. Hopefully we'll look like this....

And never end up like this....

Hahaha...

Hope everyone is well and happy and not as terrified and neurotic as me about this whole surrogacy malarky!  

First Scan Results and the astounding beauty of Pregnancy hits home

So... yesterday after I made myself sick with worry all morning about receiving our first (5week) scan results, had some beer to calm my tummy and my nerves, babbled to a friend over lunchtime pasta for hours, we eventually received our first scan results :)

Two, well-defined gestational sacs were seen, all healthy and fine. Though one concern of mine is one measures up to 4w+2 days and one to 4w+3 days but we are at 5weeks? Dr S says its normal and healthy so I guess I shouldnt worry! What do you think guys? Normal variation? Is it just rough estimation of the relationship between size and Gestational Age that they use at this early point anyway? Late implanters? Them being late implanters would explain our lower hcg values too. But also my old Dr from the clinic we used DE IVF said its perfectly normal to be up to a week behind at this early stage, post IVF, and it's only past a week under that it becomes a bit of a worry.

I think of them as lower HCG values as ours were taken at 19dpo (14dp5dt), at which point most websites say the average is 303 mIU/ml but ours were 163 and 237)

We are over the moon to see just the two Gestational sacs, I spent last night looking in depth at the scans on our 42" screen and even kissed each scan right on the GS saying "Hello little bean". :D My partner thought I was mad but he is also amazed by the strength of love he already feels towards the little ones.

I'm just trying to stay away from the evil Dr Google this morning (I'm on school holiday) and just keep thinking positively. Apparently I was talking in my sleep last night about the scan results, I was saying what level of accuracy the scan went down to and finished by saying "It really is quite beautiful". And it is, it's amazing! We have never got this far along before and I am amazed and dazed and stunned by the beauty of it all. I only wish they were able to send a DVD or sound recording of the heartbeat scan when it happens, as I would dearly LOVE to actually "hear" our babies heartbeats, but alas as long as it's all going well, that's clearly the most important aspect by far.

I have such strong faith and trust in the work of Dr S and all the staff at SCI. From one happy lady!

 SR x